Existential Thoughts at 38,000 Feet

.

So near the end of my 14-hour flight from Chicago to Seoul, I began to wonder: is it possible for your butt cheeks to fossilize while you’re still alive?

What if your body melds to the seat “cushion”–will it still be considered a proper flotation device in the unlikely event of an emergency water landing, or will it instead ensure that your head faces straight down into the water?

Do the laws of physics permanently alter the taste of food above 30,000 feet? I mean, it looks like a piece of melon, but my taste buds tell me I actually ingested a green slice of slimy alien ectoplasm. Who to believe?

There’s really not much you can do to sugar-coat a 14-hour flight, especially if you’re flying in peasant-class. That said, I do have a few wonderful things to say about Asiana Airlines.

Generous leg room, a top-notch personal in-flight entertainment system for everyone, and electrical outlets on every seat. Why do you have to fly a Korean airline to get these?! Oh, and I’m told the Asiana stewardesses were rather cute, but I really don’t notice these things so I can’t confirm.

I have no plans to visit South Korea on this trip (although it’s kind of interesting to be just a few miles from North Korea), so off to Manila in a few. Now that my bottom has been permanently re-molded into airplane seat shape and devoid of sensation, another couple hours in the air should be no big deal. Buns of stone.